What is Christian Sex? Is it a forbidden topic, or is it something that needs to be talked about?
We’re diving headfirst into one of the least discussed topics in the Christian church today.
What does the Bible say about sex? What are Biblical taboos? Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, but we need to get serious!
Stop what you are doing and say the word sex! Get comfortable with the word.
We’re going to tackle what Christian sex is and what the Bible allows. The benefits of a healthy sexual relationship and how to create boundaries are also on the list!
If you have a desire to honor God in every possible way, including in your marriage, then this article is for you!
But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. – Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
Related: The 25 Traits of a Successful Marriage (Free Worksheet)
What is Christian Sex?
Christian sex is having sex in a Biblical way. God has provided us with guidelines in His Word to help us have a fulfilling sexual experience within the context of marriage! God created sex and it can be used to glorify Him through our marriages! Christian sex protects us while increasing intimacy with our spouse!
The Importance for Christians to Talk About Sex
Is sex a sin? Not within the confines of marriage! But if believers are not talking about sex, how can you know what is inappropriate?
Let us get one thing straight; the world is talking about sex. The world is flaunting sexual desire. The world is selling sex!
Sex is not a topic Satan has excluded from our daily lives. Whether it is on TV or in a song, it is there. Our children get exposed to the world’s beliefs about sex very young.
So, why are we not countering these ideas with sound Biblical knowledge? If we want to keep our thoughts and minds and those of our children pure, it needs to be an open discussion!
A Note to Our Readers
We seek at all times to be Biblically sound and Spirit-led. If you or a loved one has been a victim of a sexual crime, we strongly encourage you to speak with authorities, a professional counselor, or a believer you trust.
At no point should anything written here lead to the belief that a victim is guilty, wrong, or at fault. A victim only becomes a survivor and conqueror!
God LOVES you, and so do we! Please reach out to us for prayer, support, or guidance!
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery. – Galatians 5:19 (NIV)
Related: All About Biblical Modesty | How to be Modest
The Importance of Christian Sex in a Healthy Marriage
Sex puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position. It is the giving of your WHOLE physical self to another. Your experiences in this vulnerable and intimate position will carry over to your next relationship.
Casual sex can lead to depression, lustful ambitions, unhealthy relationships, and more. God wants to eliminate this pain with monogamy.
If you want my advice, a healthy sex drive is good – great even, within the context of marriage.
God has only the best intentions, and He intended sex to be a special union between a husband and a wife. God didn’t create this rule to make life boring! God’s way can bring you into a closer marital union and protect you – at the same time!
God asks us to guard our hearts. When you decide to enter into marriage, you want to come clean, without unnecessary baggage.
Sex is not just a physical act; it is emotional and mental, too! Harmful or undesired sexual experiences can lead to a negative view of sex! This can cause you to have a Christian sexless marriage!
Are you keeping your heart guarded for your spouse?
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Related: Build a Relationship with God Today (20 Ways)
The Benefits of Christian Sex
There are some amazing benefits to married couples that have a healthy sexual relationship from a Christian perspective!
#1- You will experience a closer relationship with God.
When your sexual life honors God, and you seek to live in obedience, you will find yourself living in the presence of God.
#2 – Your sexual relationship can bring glory to God.
God designed us as gender-oriented and sexual beings. HE CREATED SEX! A healthy sexual relationship rolls over into a healthy marriage! Marriage represents the relationship between Christ and the church.
He created them male and female, and blessed them, and called them mankind in the day they were created. – Genesis 5:2 (NKJV)
#3 – You will experience deeper spiritual intimacy with your spouse.
God encourages us to remain faithful to our spouse even before marriage! This is to protect us from negative sexual experiences. Your connection with your spouse will grow without the baggage of past negative experiences!
#4 – You will be adventurous and passionate.
You will not be scared to try new things or experience new positions because you will only know positive experiences. How do you know you don’t like something until you have tried it?
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)
Related: 51 Powerful Prayers to Help You Pray for Your Husband
Biblical Taboos in Christian Sex
Are there things that are not allowed in Christian sex?
The Bible does talk about sex. It not only glorifies a sexual relationship between husband and wife, but it gives some clear instructions on what is NOT allowed.
#1 – Pornography
God says that sex is intended for a husband and a wife. Pornography clearly invites another into your intimate time with your spouse.
Pornography supports the act of adultery and fornication. As holy individuals of the Lord, we should not entertain sin.
You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)
#2 – Adultery
God’s Word is clear on the topic of adultery. Adultery is any sexual act in which one of the participants is married.
Adultery is cheating! God says it is a no-go!
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
#3 – Fornication
What is premarital sex? It is sex before marriage!
The Bible is clear that sex before marriage is a sin. Fornication is any sexual intimacy with someone you are not married to!
The idea of sex before marriage contradicts scripture!
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. – Matthew 5:19 (NKJV)
#4 – Same-Sex Relations
The Bible is clear on God’s feelings towards same-sex relationships.
Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable. – Leviticus 18:22 (NIV)
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV)
#5 – Anal Sex
While the Bible says very little about anal sex, it does advise not all things are good for us.
The Bible encourages us to avoid anything unnatural or harmful to ourselves. Anal sex has been proven to be physically damaging.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say- but not everything is beneficial. – 1 Corinthians 6:12a (NIV)
#6 – Incest
The Bible goes into great detail in Leviticus about how incest is wrong. You can read Leviticus chapter 18 for full details.
No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD. – Leviticus 18:6 (NIV)
#7 – Rape
Just before listing the Fruits of the Spirit in Galatians chapter 5, acts of sinful nature are listed. Among them are sexual immorality and selfish ambition. Rape falls clearly into these two categories.
Further, you can read in 2 Samuel 13 how Amnon raped his sister and was later killed for the action.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)
#8 – Pedophilia
If you or a loved one has been a victim of pedophilia, you are forgiven in the eyes of the LORD. You will rise to be a survivor and conqueror! By participating in acts of pedophilia, you are causing physical, emotional, and spiritual harm to a child. Pedophilia places a child in a position of sin without their choice or consent!
It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves. – Luke 17:2-3a (NIV)
#9 – Beastiality
Beastiality is acts of sexual intimacy with animals. The LORD is clear that He despises such actions.
Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion. – Leviticus 18:23 (NIV)
Guidelines For Appropriate Christian Sex
After learning more about what is not allowed, you might be asking yourself, what is allowed?
When considering something possibly new and adventurous with your spouse, follow the guidelines below.
1 Corinthians 6 gives believers a good line to follow regarding what is appropriate in the Christian bedroom. Let us take a deeper look at these verses!
Not Everything Is Beneficial.
If something falls into the above categories, do not consider doing it!
Remember that 1 Corinthians 6:12 tells us while everything is permissible in God’s eyes, this does not include things that He has strictly forbidden. Stop now if what you want to do is on the forbidden list!
Some Actions Are Harmful.
1 Corinthians 6:13 explains that our body is for the Lord. Verses 19-20 build on this concept by driving home that we were “bought at a price.”
If you are looking to spice things up, ask yourself and your spouse if it can emotionally, mentally, or spiritually harm your relationship.
We should honor God with our bodies. Avoid any action that could cause physical harm.
Not All Sexual Acts Are Enjoyable.
Sexual intimacy should be about each other! While keeping your preferences and comfort zone in mind, focus on your spouse and their enjoyment.
Verse 15 starts by reminding us that our “bodies are members of Christ Himself.” Would you ask Christ to do something unenjoyable for your pleasure?
Before trying something new, ask yourself if what you want is enjoyable for your spouse or if selfish ambitions drive you?
Everything Should Be in Union.
Your bedroom should always be a “safe place.” Never engage in sexual behaviors where there isn’t mutual consent!
The second part of verse 16 and verse 17 tell us that “two will become one flesh” and you will be united in spirit with the Lord.
The ultimate result of sexual intercourse is that you become united as one! Trying new things can be fun and exciting, but it should bring you closer to each other, not drive you apart!
Communicate your desires with each other! Any activity that makes one person feel excluded, used, or neglected should be reconsidered.
How to Create Safe Boundaries in Christian Sex
Whether you are approaching your honeymoon or feel it is time to reconnect now that the kids have moved out, creating safe boundaries is important in all sexual relationships!
Study Your Bible.
If you want to know more about what God says is appropriate in Christian sex, study your Bible!
Nothing is more valuable than the truth of God found in the Bible, and that includes my opinion! Dig deep into the scripture and apply it to your life!
There are plenty of Bible studies you can do as a couple!
Talk to God about what you are feeling. Express your apprehensions, what you seek to achieve, and ask for guidance when you don’t understand something.
Ask God to protect you and your spouse and the intimacy of your marriage! Ask the Spirit to guard your hearts and your bodies!
Talk, Talk, and Talk Some More.
Talk to your spouse about things you want to try, things you feel are out of your comfort zone, and any doubts you may have!
If you had previous negative sexual experiences, be honest about them! Don’t try to hide your past! Tell your spouse any negative or traumatic things that happened so that they are not caught off guard!
Hold Each Other Accountable.
Hold each other accountable once you have spoken about all aspects of your sex life. This vulnerability should never be exploited or used against one another.
Show each other respect in maintaining the desired boundaries, keeping one another’s confidentiality, and encouraging pleasure together!
Christian Sex Resources
Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life will take you through why married sex is SO special and give you some unique ideas for sexual intimacy.
Sex for Christians: The Limits and Liberties of Sexual Living looks at specific factors of humanity and sexuality that affect us in each stage of our lives.
Christian Sex Positions: 58 Positions, Illustrated, Nudity Free can give you appropriate ideas for your next bedroom adventure!
If you still need some guidance on what the Bible says about Christian sexuality, watch The Bible and Sex: Fifty Shades of Marriage.
You can also look at You Version Bible Apps many Christian sex devotionals! Do one with your spouse!
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Oral Sex Allowed In A Christian Marriage?
The Bible does not speak explicitly on this topic. Healthy sex life in marriage should include actions that bring each other pleasure. Follow the guidelines of what is allowed in Christian sex to determine if this is appropriate for your marriage.
What Is The Difference Between Fornication and Adultery?
Fornication is any sexual relations with someone who is NOT your spouse. This includes when you are unmarried because that person is NOT your spouse. Adultery is the act of committing sexual relations with someone married. Adultery is cheating.
What If We Have Already Had Sex With Each Other Before Marriage?
When we come to Christ Jesus, we repent of our sins. Repenting is not just about confessing but also about turning away from these sins. Our salvation is not a free pass to continue in sin. If you have already been sexually intimate, confess this sin to God and each other, and practice abstinence before marriage.
Are Sex Toys Allowed In A Christian Marriage?
Toys are not something that is discussed within the text of the Bible. Refer to the guidelines on what is allowed within Christian Sex. For each marriage, this may look a little different! If you are not harming each other and are not using these alone, use your discretion.
How Can We Get Appropriate New Christian Sex Ideas?
It is not advisable that you use any form of pornography, including written and audio. I would suggest getting new ideas from each other. Consider reading Kama Sutra for Christians. Experiment together and talk about what you enjoy and don’t. Get creative!
You should now have a better understanding of what Christian sex is! Sex within marriage is not a sin, and God created it! Enjoy it!
If you are struggling with a sexual addiction or any other hurt, habit, or hang-up, be sure to check out Celebrate Recovery – a place where everyone with struggles is welcome!
Stay tuned for more on Christian sex positions, Christian sex tips, and how to have good Christian sex! Learn more about the long-term benefits of sex in your marriage, too!
Have you personally experienced how following God’s rules for sex can improve your marriage? Share your experience in the comments!