Learn how to love the unlovable. Wow. That might sound nearly impossible, but you can do this. Remember that we are instructed in the Bible to love others the way we wish to be loved. If you see this “unlovable” person regularly, this article will help you get along better.
When you love everyone, your heart belongs to God. It is never easy to love someone who seems to be completely unlovable, but everyone has some kind of good inside of them. We know this because God created them. You might not see the good, but He does!
If you’ve ever been around someone who is so difficult that you can barely stand it, try to take a few deep breaths and concentrate on your relationship with God. Pray about the matter, and God will give you the strength to endure the moments that feel unbearable!
Let’s learn 10 unique ways to love those who appear to be unlovable.
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How to Love the Unlovable (10 Ways)
Try one or more of these ways to love the unlovable, and it just might change your relationships, causing an unexpected transformation in your life. Keep in mind that everyone is lovable to someone, especially to God. “Unlovable” in this article means difficult.
#1. Find something in common to talk about.
When you are trying to love the unlovable, it helps if you know the types of things that they are interested in. There might be something you have in common. That would give you something fun to talk about. That may even result in a love relationship, as you enjoy their company.
One way to find out their interests, hobbies, and passions is to simply ask. I wouldn’t start off a conversation with 20 questions, but you might keep a small piece of paper with you that has a list of conversation topics or prompts. This helps me when dealing with difficult people.
#2. Look for something about them to love.
When you discover something that you did not know about the unlovable person, it might be something you love. This will certainly help you love them as Jesus did. As you get to know this person better, you will understand the breadth of their personality, likes, and social circle.
Unfortunately, most people do not want to love unlovable people. Rather, they want to stay clear of them to avoid awkward moments and disagreements. However, the only way to get to know someone is to spend time with them – often, a lot of time! Be brave and courageous!
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. – Matthew 5:44
#3. Show empathy for what you don’t love.
Perhaps you are in a situation where the individual you don’t care for does things that you don’t love. They could be a chain-smoker. Perhaps they curse like a sailor. Maybe they love gossip too much. It could be that they only talk about themselves and never ask you questions.
So, how do you show empathy for these things, especially when you very much dislike them? Let’s see. You could get a background on these items. What made them start? Do they want to quit? Are they open to your suggestions to help them quit?
Now, let’s look at some examples of what might be individual cases. Maybe the chain smoker is an addict, and smoking helps relieve their stress. You could offer addiction recovery options, like Celebrate Recovery, or stress management solutions. Other aids are available too.
Getting them to open up on a new topic like this could really lead you to a lasting relationship, perhaps even a good, Christian friendship. Share your faith with everyone by leading them to Jesus. If they aren’t receptive, consider another approach or back off for a period of time.
#4. Don’t hold grudges, anger, and bitterness.
If your “unlovable” person has done something that you feel you can’t easily get over, remember that God gave you grace when you were at your lowest, and He expects you to treat others the same way. Forgiveness here (even if you don’t verbalize it to them) is freeing.
Additionally, when you hold grudges, which usually involves anger and bitterness, you are only hurting yourself. They probably have no idea what they did to upset you. Let it go! It will benefit you in the long run much more than holding on to bitterness from something in the past.
If you want to build a strong relationship with God, you cannot have anger, bitterness, and hate toward others. Remember to treat them well. You will be richly rewarded for that one day!
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. – Luke 6:27
#5. Be more compassionate than you’re comfortable with.
It can be very difficult to be nice to the “unlovable” people in your life or those you encounter during the day. You are in line, patiently waiting for your coffee order, and you find someone who cuts the long line. Your steam boils over, and you wish to say a few choice words.
You’ve got your music going, a peaceful vibe in the car with your children, when suddenly, some crazy driver cuts you off, causing you to nearly end up in a ditch. Your fury is ignited. All you can think of is how that rude individual nearly cost the lives of your children.
You might be familiar with those two situations or have plenty of your own. Either way, have you thought of showing empathy and compassion rather than hate and rage? Jesus instructs us to love others as we wish to be loved, so get uncomfortable and show grace to the unlovable.
#6. Have low expectations for the relationship.
I grew up having high expectations of myself, so I understand the urge to want to run up and hug someone, spend hours chatting to get to know them better, or reveal yourself by sharing your secrets with one another. Maybe lower those standards to avoid disappointment.
#7. Limit the time you are around them.
This is a great strategy when you are trying to love the unlovable. If someone typically makes you feel bad about yourself when you are around them, or leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling that you want to gossip about to anyone who will listen.
Figure out how much time you need to be around them if they are bringing you depression. For example, you might find that your uncle tends to get drunk and rude after two hours. Have an excuse ready in your pocket for why you have to leave in two hours. Awkwardness evaded.
#8. Remember that you are probably only hurting yourself.
It’s important to remember that most people have no idea that they are “unlovable.” They don’t know that they annoy the people they are around. No one will dare say, “Maybe you shouldn’t say things like that to people.”
In other words, the discord in your relationship with them is not bothering them one bit because that’s who they are. They probably treat everyone like that without a thought in the world. Anger and resentment are things that only affect you, so let them go and free yourself!
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. – Romans 12:14
#9. Think about how few people love them for who they are. Be different!
When you meet someone who you believe is just plain unlovable, think of how many other people feel the same way that you do. Maybe all of his or her friends and family think this person is unbearable, which probably means they have no friends.
It also probably means that they are not invited to many family functions. They might feel quite lonely, which could trigger their bad mood, distasteful demeanor, selfishness, or whatever trait you think is unlovable. Other people have probably noticed these things, as well.
Keep in mind that you are not perfect, and there are probably plenty of things about you that others dislike. Since we are all born or raised with certain flaws or negative characteristics, we need to be empathetic, understanding, and patient with one another.
Here’s a challenge: be different! Instead of pulling away from the people that others cannot stand to be around, try becoming their friend. Find a hobby that you both share, or an interest that you both could talk about for hours.
What makes them click? What excites them? Go find out, and try to bond with them!
#10. Treat others the way you wish to be treated.
This comes straight from the Bible. Jesus encourages us to be fair in our treatment, but in a good sense. It might seem “fair” to rear-end someone who did the same to you, but that is not Jesus’ intention here. He wants us to love others the way we wish to be loved by them.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. – 1 John 4:7
Conclusion
Did you learn how to love the unlovable? Were any of the tips provided in this article helpful in this regard? We’d love to hear about your experiences with others – people you thought were unlovable, but now you see them in a different light. Leave a comment!
