I’ve talked a lot about addiction on this website, but love addiction hadn’t really crossed my mind, to be honest. It’s so easy to overlook the elephant in the room when helping other people with theirs. People can see the flaws in others well before they see their own.
Can you relate? Do you think that you might have flaws or even an addiction or two that you’ve overlooked because you didn’t think it was a big deal? Maybe you have forgotten about it, or you just don’t find it as crippling as it once was in my life.
In this article, we will be looking at five deep questions to see if you are like me and suffer from love addiction (or at least, once did). Let’s not brush away those past pesky behaviors because you never know when they might crop back up again.
Wouldn’t it be smart to know how to handle your love addiction if it rears its ugly head in your life again? Wouldn’t you love to know how to combat those symptoms, or, to be more blunt, kick them in the rear end so that they go away forever?
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What is Love Addiction?
Love addiction and falling in love are two totally different things. First, love addiction is unhealthy for you, just like any addiction. Second, love addiction can cause an obsessive fixation with a love interest, according to VeryWellMind.
We were created to love God and to love others. We were not created to obsessively love anything to an extent that it is unhealthy for us, our bodies, or even for others. If the only thing on your mind is love for another human, you probably have a love addiction.
Addiction is a thief in the night; it robs you of your being, and I am here to bear witness to your rebirth, to the slow recovery of your soul. – Safe Haven
My Story with Love Addiction
I’m going to rewind this story back quite a bit, because I am in a healthy, loving relationship now, but it didn’t happen overnight. I have been married for almost 15 years to a loving husband whom I adore. However, I do not obsess over him, like someone in a love addiction relationship.
My Childhood
As a little girl, I was exposed to a lot of questions about boys. “Who are you dating?” “What is he like?” “When did he call last?” “What did he say?” That list could go on for miles.
I also began reading a lot of romance self-help books. Don’t get me wrong or take things in a way that I am not intending. These can be helpful, but you have to be careful about getting addicted to self-help books. God is all you need.
This is my story; yours might be completely different.
In other words, there is nothing wrong with the things I was doing, but when ALL you do is talk about boys, ask questions about boys, write about boys, develop the interests of boys, spend time with boys, and talk about the interests of boys, you give birth to an obsession, as I did.
As I grew older, the obsessive behaviors and unhealthy habits increased. All I could think about was the interests of guys and how to get their attention. In fact, I got married in High School at the earliest age I legally could. That obviously was not God’s plan for my life.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My loving eye on you – Psalm 32:8
My Big Change
Once I developed a new obsession, an obsession with the Lord, I began praying for a future husband. I turned my life around and thought about what it meant to be a Christian. People didn’t really enjoy talking to a self-centered, “boy-crazy” girl. However, I slowly changed.
I realized that it was okay to pray about my wants and needs, but I needed to remember to be grateful for the things God had given me, too. When faith leads your heart and hope guides your soul, God knows you are His child, and you’ll feel the Holy Spirit inside of you.
It takes time to grow spiritually, especially if you’ve always looked out for yourself and your biggest desire, which might be a love addiction. However, if you persevere with prayer and Bible study, you’ll see that your greatest desire turns into His greatest desire for you.
When your calling matches what He wants for you, the possibilities become endless, and the things you do glorify Him and magnify His Name rather than yours. When your focus changes, so does your love addiction, and you are set FREE!
5 Deep, Telling Questions That You Might Have a Love Addiction
I’m going to be honest with you. I have done all these things, but guys have done the same to me. I called them “stalkers” at the time and was quite appalled by their behavior. I even legally changed my last name to get away from a few of them! Looking back, I can see I had an issue.
What helped me the most was Celebrate Recovery (or any kind of 12-step recovery). The best thing about “CR” is that it is for everyone – not just those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. It’s for anyone with a bad habit, hurt, or hangup. Check it out!
Back to the questions…
Do you drive by their house more than usual?
Okay, so this one might be a little childish, and it was something I did more as a little girl with my folks, but nevertheless, it would definitely be something I would classify as “love-addiction” territory. Plus, what are you hoping to see when you pass their house?
After all, if they see you, they will most likely think you are a “stalker.” That’s not a label you want – no matter what your age is!
Here is my funny and super embarrassing story on this one. We used to drive by the house of a boy I liked as a little girl, pretty much every chance we had. A few years later, we found out that it was the wrong house!
I wonder what THOSE people thought of us! What a waste of time! Make Christian friends, people who know better ways to spend their time. Let them teach you a thing or two, and you will get much further in life than filling your time with wasteful activities.
Try volunteer work. There are so many benefits to doing it. I started it as a better way to spend my time when I had a love addiction. If you enjoy being around people, hit the local animal shelter; if you are crafty at home, knit hats for charity! The possibilities are endless!
Just don’t drive by their house or try any stalker behaviors, because they will only bring disappointment.
Do you call them anonymously just to hear their voice?
“Anonymously” is a word that hardly exists today. Back when I was a child, we had landlines. Now, you could use a burner phone for this situation, but I’m not encouraging it. Even those who lack intelligence will eventually figure out who it is that keeps calling and hanging up.
I know. I know. You want my story with this one. My best friend and I wanted revenge on this guy who dumped her sister, so we made up this crazy story about who we were and how we had the hots for him. By the way, he was not the sort of guy you would have the hots for.
He had a huge heart, so my friend and I fell in love with him after a night of deep conversation. She dated him for a while, and I believe it was in middle school or around that time that I dated him for a few years! THAT is not a typical outcome when you harass someone, so don’t do it!
Something that starts as a love addiction will not be your love story. Yes, my friend and I dated this boy at different times, but we are all married to different people now. It is not God’s Will for you to fall in love that way. Seek Him first, and your mate will come at the right time.
Remember, also, this kind of love addiction or “harassment” can put you in jail and make you look pretty desperate in everyone’s eyes, including God’s, who is All-Seeing. Grow closer to Him instead!
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33
Do you think about them all the time?
When you are “boy-crazy” (as we used to call it) or have a love addiction to a girl or guy, you probably can’t get them off your mind. If this happens, you are likely to slip up in school or at work. Think about what you could be occupying your mind with instead.
Other than writing my first name with their last name, I don’t have a funny story here. I’m sure that in secret, I spilled that I was crazy about someone to the wrong person. That person then told him and humiliated me. Honestly, I don’t really remember.
I want to encourage you to think of things in a different light. Men like smart women. If your mind is full of useless dirt, you probably aren’t going to get far in life. Instead, fill your mind with things like education, the Word of God, friendships, sports, prayer, and other healthy activities.
A guy will surely be attracted to you when your mind is full of those things, rather than knowing his shoe size or something equally creepy. In fact, if you want to take it a bit further, think about what your dream guy looks for in a girl, and be interested in those things.
If you want a loyal, faithful Christian man, go to church, really get to know God, read your Bible, and pray. Master those things, and you will become his dream girl.
I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You. Praise be to You, Lord; teach me Your decrees. – Psalm 119:11-12
Do you struggle to talk about anything but your love interest?
Well, I think you understand that I did this most of my life, so I don’t need a funny story here. I will give you a tip, though, in case you are (er, were) “boy-crazy” like me. BE CAREFUL if you are dating more than one guy and trying to keep them a secret from one another.
This is pretty shady behavior to begin with, and I did it before I was a Christian. But if you invite both boyfriends to the same birthday party (and I’m not confessing I did this), make sure one is properly occupied while you are with the other one on the dance floor.
Otherwise, things get awkward fast.
When you only talk about your love interest, you may find that people don’t want to be around you a lot because you only talk about what is repetitive and boring to them. Friendships are hard to come by and even harder to keep.
Plus, what are you going to talk about with your love interest if your only interest is him or her? You need to like and be able to talk about other things – the News, Church, your family, your friends, sports, the latest television shows or movies, your hobbies, and so on.
To prevent having a love addiction, I recommend watching The Chosen, sermons, or The Bible Collection. Go see a play at a Sight and Sound Theatre. Listen to Christian music or hymns. There are so many healthy things you can do with your time!
Do you always say YES to a date?
I used to be one of those girls whose world revolved around boys. Like me, there are girls out there who would never make other plans in the event that their crush “could” become available, and always say YES to every invitation from him.
I had a couple of decades behind me by this time, but I was definitely this girl. My phone was full of boys’ numbers, and I was proud of it, even though I probably would never date half of them. My sponsor in Celebrate Recovery had me delete them ALL! Talk about a real step in recovery!
Somewhere in there, a friend of mine introduced me to The Rules books. They are probably antique now; I’m not sure. There was a lot of nonsense in there that I would never do, but the premise of the books (play hard to get) really resonated with me.
I was pretty strict with the rules I followed, and it helped me tremendously. Never had I thought of chasing boys as a turn-off and playing hard to get as a turn-on. It worked, and before I knew it, I had a boyfriend who loved the rules. In fact, that’s how I got him!
I used to have multiple dates per day on the weekends, and certainly, I had a date almost every night because of the rules. One day, I told Jack (made-up name) that NO, I could not go out with him Thursday night because I already had a date. If only he had asked me sooner…
Well, he invited me to lunch instead, and proposed that we date exclusively. I was excited! We didn’t last because he moved, but it was amazing to see the Rules at work!
Conclusion
Do you have a rule you follow to prevent having a love addiction or being a total love addict like I was? How does God fit into your love life? If you do not have a spiritual marriage or pray for your husband, you might want to rethink things.
Stopping my addiction to love was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Remember, if you are searching for a future husband, pray about it. God will provide for you what you need when it’s His timing, which is ALWAYS right!
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1
