Have you ever wondered how to forgive someone who hurt you? It can be quite the challenge! If you were betrayed, it will sting for a while at first. However, eventually, you can forgive them – maybe not in person, but in your heart.
In this article, we’ll look at what forgiveness is, 3 ways to learn how to forgive someone who hurt you, and frequently asked questions about forgiveness. If you are ready for a journey of a lifetime, you will certainly enjoy this article with some creative advice.
One thing you can do is to put yourself in their shoes. Be empathetic. Why do you think they are mad? What prompted their words or actions that hurt you so much? Why would they do that? Ask questions, and you might gain insight that you never realized before.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
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What is Forgiveness?
According to the American Psychological Association, forgiveness means willfully putting aside feelings of anger and resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, otherwise harmed you in some way, or been unfair or hurtful.
Because these things hit us to the core at times, forgiving someone can be very difficult. We must not only “fake it till we make it” on the outside, but also, we must internally learn to let go of all that bitterness.
Forgiveness is not just accepting what happened or no longer being angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of your feelings, behavior, and attitudes.
This is so that you are no longer controlled by resentment and can instead express compassion and generosity toward the person who wronged you.
As we look further into how to forgive someone who hurt you, think about who you need to forgive, whether in person or in a private letter that you do not have to send, and what you would like to talk to the person about in regard to how they hurt you.
Related: How to Pray for Someone Who Hates You
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” –C.S. Lewis
Why Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
According to the Mayo Clinic, if you are able to let go of grudges and the anger and bitterness that often follow. If you want to have improved health (physical, mental, emotional, etc.) and peace of mind, consider forgiveness.
Forgiveness leads to healthy relationships with boundaries, less anxiety, lower blood pressure, more self-esteem, improved mental and emotional states, less stress, fewer symptoms of the dreaded depression, a stronger immune system, and less hostility in your life.
According to the Christian Alliance for Orphans, some of the mental benefits you can likely expect with forgiveness include reduced substance abuse, less anxiety and depression, and higher life satisfaction.
The article also mentions that unforgiveness can cause a great deal of stress. Stress impacts your blood pressure, your heart rate, and your immune system. It also increases the risk of you getting chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease. Forgiveness can help you sleep, too!
When the article began to talk about the spiritual benefits of forgiving someone who hurt you, I was very intrigued. Having the right spiritual habits, like regular forgiveness, will certainly clear your conscience. In fact, with forgiveness, Christians get twice the benefits as nonbelievers.
As the article continued, I learned the benefits concerning relationships. If you are holding a grudge against someone, when you are around them, you may emit hostility and rage. Forgiveness can improve those things and improve your relationship with yourself.
“To err is human, to forgive, divine.” -Alexander Pope
How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
When seeking closure, you will need to know how to forgive someone who hurt you. Check out the following ways to determine what will work best for you.
Way #1: Pray About It.
When you have something heavy like this on your mind, be sure to pray about it. Talk to God. He wants to hear your problems and your cries. He empathizes and sympathizes with us. Remember, He walked this Earth and experienced what we do.
Prayer can be simple with a few words and maybe some heartfelt silence where the Lord can speak back to you, or it can be as complicated as you want, as long as it helps you. You might want to make a prayer binder or a prayer notebook to keep your thoughts organized.
Related: How to Build a Quiet Time with God
Way #2: Talk It Out.
This is my favorite way to forgive someone who hurt me. I just talk about the matter with a good friend or my husband. You could even enlist the help of a Christian counselor. The important thing is to air your thoughts. The other person is often just a sounding board.
Of course, if they are full of valuable advice that would help the situation, you should listen. Listening to other people can be challenging, but there are things you can do to practice listening better. Think about what method works best for you in this circumstance.
Way #3: Keep a Journal.
If you’d rather keep your thoughts private, grab a notebook or journal and a pen, and start writing. Maybe you really need this to be private. If so, consider purchasing a journal with a little lock on it so that only the person with the key can read what you wrote inside.
That may seem immature, but it can keep your information safe. If you have an actual fireproof safe, use it instead. The point is that you do not want the person you are writing about to read your thoughts and feelings. Airing them in a journal is a pretty healthy way to deal with them.
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown
Frequently Asked Questions About Forgiveness
If you’d like to know how to forgive someone who hurt you, these might be some of your questions.
What happens if you hold a grudge?
According to the Mayo Clinic, if you struggle to find forgiveness, any one of the following may happen. You’ll bring anger, resentment, and bitterness into new experiences and new relationships. You also might feel confused about your spiritual beliefs.
Additionally, you could become anxious or depressed, which leads to an irritable state of mind. This will create distance between the value you have as a person and your connections with others. Mindfulness might also be difficult to attain if you are too concerned with a grudge.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” -Corrie Ten Boom
What happens if you cannot forgive someone?
If you find yourself in a situation where you cannot forgive someone because of the extent of the hurt they caused, don’t talk to the person or confront them about the matter. They’ve probably already forgotten about it. In this case, you won’t need to say anything; just internalize it.
If the extent of damage they caused was not major, you could try empathy, an analysis of what happened, prayer, journaling your thoughts out, meditation, talk to a trusted friend or family member, seek the wise counsel of a mentor or counselor.
Related: How to Create a Prayer Journal
How do I forgive?
You’ll want to remember why you feel the need to forgive this person. You can easily do this by reading the benefits of forgiveness, listed above. Additionally, you might want to join a 12-step program like Celebrate Recovery, which helps anyone with hurts and heartaches.
Remember, you do not have to confront or speak to a person about the wrong they did, as this might escalate things. Instead, acknowledge what you are feeling, your emotions, and how it is all affecting your life, and, best of all, release the control they had over you with this grudge.
What if their attitude and character do not change?
Forgiveness is certainly not about changing another person. In fact, you are likely not going to change them, no matter what you do. Instead, focus on how you can let the issue (and even the person) GO and move on. There’s no reason to try to change someone if they aren’t ready to.
Related: What to Do When Someone Hates You
Will we be reconciled if I forgive them?
Unfortunately, forgiveness doesn’t act like magic and won’t turn things around immediately, in most cases. However, over time, there is a chance that the two of you will be reconciled. If the person is willing, try Christian Counseling to resolve any lingering issues, and turn to God.
Conclusion
Did you learn how to forgive someone who hurt you? Will you take some sort of positive action today to get rid of any anger and bitterness? How will you change? We’d love to hear how this article helped you. Please leave a comment!
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” – Mark Twain
